


a family all but torn apart

by icountcards



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode Tag, Gen, I Apologize For This, Literally just sad, Spoilers for 3x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icountcards/pseuds/icountcards
Summary: It's been a long day. It's going to be a longer lifetime trying to come to terms with everything that's happened.Episode tag for 3x22, Mason + Cable + Choices. Mac struggles to make sense of it all.





	a family all but torn apart

**Author's Note:**

> Macgyver May Week 2: Angst. (There's probably a second fic for week 2 coming later this week if I've got the time, because I'm feeling inspired by that season finale.) 
> 
> Title stolen from Survivor Guilt by Rise Against, which is something Mac must be dealing with rather a lot of right about now.

Mac’s staring into the dying fire, watching one branch in particular slowly burn its way down to ash, barely paying attention to the conversation the others are having, when Riley’s phone rings. He startles so hard he almost drops the beer that’s hanging forgotten in his hand, and by the time he recovers, Riley’s got her phone out of her pocket and her eyes have gone wide with excitement at the caller ID.

“Guys, it’s Jack!” She nearly drops the phone in her scramble to answer it. “Hey Jack, you’re on speaker,” she says, holding the phone toward the middle of their little semicircle. “We’re at Mac’s.”

There’s an ominous crackle on the line for a second like the call might drop, and Mac doesn’t even realize he’s holding his breath, until they hear, “Hey, Riley,” staticky and tinny but unmistakably Jack, from the phone. “You kids aren’t getting into too much trouble without me, are you?”

Mac grins weakly. “No more than usual,” he lies, because Jack’s got enough of his own worries, there’s no point burdening him with everything that’s happened in the last day that he can’t be around to fix anyway. 

“Wasn’t what I heard from Des,” he says. “Way she told it, you had quite the day.”

“You have no idea,” Riley says. 

“I got some idea,” he says. “Mac… Des told me what happened to Charlie. You doing alright, man?” 

Mac sighs. “Been better,” he says, side-eyeing Desi—sounds like she’s filled him in on plenty for ‘couldn’t get a word in’. She gives him an apologetic look. “How much did she tell you?”

A sound that might be a sigh, or maybe just another crackle from the patchy connection, echoes down the line. “Listen, man, Charlie made his choice. You can’t blame yourself for it. You put that blame right where it belongs, on the asshole that forced him to make that choice.” There’s a long silence. “And you bet your ass I’m gonna hurry up and take out Kovac so I can help you take him down.”

Mac frowns at the fire. The branch he’d been watching snaps and falls further into the flames. Jack’s right, it’s Mason’s fault, but under that it’s Mac’s fault, and under that it’s his dad’s fault, and under that it’s Mac’s fault all over again. Charlie should still be alive right now, and because of Mac, he’s not. He’s not alive because Mac is, and Mac doesn’t know how he’s supposed to live with that. How he’s supposed to live with the choices that he’s made, that his dad’s made, that Charlie made. 

“He’s right, Mac,” Bozer chimes in. “Can’t beat yourself up over it.” He bumps his shoulder against Mac’s, and it takes everything Mac has not to flinch away from the contact. He doesn’t deserve the sympathy. 

“I can hear you thinking all the way over here,” Jack says when Mac doesn’t respond. 

Mac laughs at that, just the slightest bit. “How’s the hunt going?” he asks.

Jack doesn’t challenge the U-turn in topic, thankfully. “Same as ever,” he says. “Last lead didn’t pan out. We’re at a standstill for the moment.” 

“You’ll find him,” Mac says. He’s got nothing but confidence in Jack and his team. 

“Listen, I’ve gotta go,” Jack says. “You kids look after each other. And Riley?” he pauses, and Riley raises her eyebrows expectantly at the phone. “That boy of yours is damn lucky he’s not in rifle range.” 

Riley smiles at that, looking a little misty-eyed. “Stay safe out there,” she says.

“Talk to you soon,” he says, and the line goes dead. 

Riley sighs as she pockets her phone. “I wish he could be here,” she says. She glances over at Desi. “No offense.” 

“None taken,” she says. “I didn’t expect to be able to fill his shoes.”

“You’re doing a great job,” Mac says. Still, there’s an undeniable, tangible emptiness in their circle without Jack. He can’t be the only one that feels it. 

“It’s just as well I don’t have to talk him out of shooting Billy,” Riley says, smiling in a way that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

Desi smiles sharply. “Just let me know if you’ve changed your mind about letting him keep all his bones in one piece,” she says. 

That startles a laugh out of Riley. “You’ll be the first to know.” 

Mac lets the conversation move on without him, stares into the fire as if it has answers for him. He closes his eyes for a second, and it’s still fire he sees, the server room, Mason running through the fire and up to the roof, and maybe if he’d been smarter, hadn’t inhaled enough smoke that his throat still burns with it, he’d have been fast enough to stop him. If Mason hadn’t always been ten steps ahead, lined up for checkmate before Mac even realized the game had started. If. If. If.

Jack’s right, Charlie made his choice, and if anything, that’s worse, that when it came down to it, Mac couldn’t even make that bad-or-worse call, he’s not built to accept defeat, and Charlie, Charlie’s a better man than him, and he should be here, catching up and laughing about their close call instead of downtown in a body bag. 

Guilt burns in his chest as he stares down the fire. As he watches, the last of the branch he’s been tracking fades out into sparks and ash, red hot as it disintegrates to nothing.


End file.
